Caesar was a curious and intelligent girl like few others; she had been interested in astronomy, science and philosophy; she was also educated by a philosopher and grammarian from Gaul named Marcus Antonius Gnipho. The girl grew up in a period where the Optimates, those who favored the aristocracy, and the Populares, those who were on the side of the people, constantly clashed in various social struggles. She didn't like politics, on the contrary, she preferred the intellectual arts and for this reason she spent a lot of time with her teacher discussing the ideas of Plato and Aristotle.
Caesar's family had many debts and her father wanted her to marry Cossutia's brother, who was four years her senior and was also very rich and influential, but he was unaware that his daughter already had romantic interests addressed to Cossutia herself. The Roman institutions would never have allowed a same-sex marriage but nevertheless Caesar wanted to be with her.
Caesar's uncle, Gaius Marius, died in 86 BC and the family obtained a lot of money as an inheritance, but the following year Caesar's father died; the girl was only fifteen years old and she was also promised to a man she didn't love, so she decided to deny both him and Cossutia and thanks to the large sums of money she found a way to have a marriage with another girl: Cornelia . The act of this woman scandalized the conservatives but they could do little against a very old, respected and now also rich family. Caesar, at that time, was eighteen and Cornelia was five years younger. Their relationship was much more romantic than sexual and this for two reasons: Caesar married Cornelia to live with her; Caesar herself didn't like to have carnal relations with younger people, also in this case going against some of the Roman customs.
However, there was no lack of attempts by the aristocracy to defame the girl and make her look like a pervert in the eyes of the public.
82 BC
Lucius Cornelius Sulla, returning from his battle against Mithridates VI, returned to Italy, and, after defeating the popular followers of the late Gaius Marius, proclaimed himself perpetual dictator and undertook to eliminate his political opponents with the excuse of wanting to restore the Republic; but everyone knew that in reality this was not the case.
Caesar didn't support the Sulla dictatorship, she considered it dangerous for the Roman people and for this reason, together with Cornelia, she gave asylum to those political personalities who were persecuted by the dictator. Such an affront was not accepted by Sulla, so Caesar was captured and led to the tyrant in chains.
The man, now elderly, was enjoying wine in a golden cup, he was seated on his throne and was protected by ten guards and his lieutenant Pompey; Caesar entered, pushed to the foot of the throne by two legionaries. Sulla, seeing that girl, was shocked and asked:
"Who is this woman? I asked Gaius Julius Caesar, not his sister, you idiots."
"I'm Gaius Julius Caesar," said the girl, standing up.
"Don't fool me, woman. You can't be-"
"She is." Pompey confirmed and added, with a wave of his hand to the girl: "She is Gaius Julius Caesar, daughter of Aurelia Cotta and Gaius Julius Caesar the Elder, as well as granddaughter of Gaius Marius.
"Seriously?! A woman? Was it a woman who protested against me? A simple woman with old hair? Rome is really hitting rock bottom if women are allowed to express political views. What can she know, then?"
"Actually I know that she manages the family business, I know that she has managed to pay off the debts that her father had. Apparently she has also made a name for herself among some Roman intellectuals" explained Pompey.
"A woman with a man's name who does men's things ... and so you're the one who is married to another woman, a relative of mine, as if that weren't enough," Sulla commented with a disgusted expression.
"There was a round of money to allow such a wedding, of course, but they turned a blind eye also because of the legends that are told about her-"
Sulla raised his hand to interrupt Pompey, turned to Caesar, put down the golden cup and sat comfortably on the throne then, with a mocking smile, asked:
"What legends are told about you, Woman with a Man's Name?"
"I belong to the gens Julia, my family boasts of having Romulus himself, Aeneas and also the goddess Venus as ancestors and it is said of me that I am destined to-"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah ... whatever ... yes, I understand, you're someone who believes that you're destined for great things, for great successes in life. Who has deluded you into believing these nonsense is a fool. You're not destined for anything, to maximum you could offer yourself to some legionnaire and make him amused a little, but using that mouth to oppose my choices is stuff that does not suit you. Am I right, Pompey?"
Caesar's family had many debts and her father wanted her to marry Cossutia's brother, who was four years her senior and was also very rich and influential, but he was unaware that his daughter already had romantic interests addressed to Cossutia herself. The Roman institutions would never have allowed a same-sex marriage but nevertheless Caesar wanted to be with her.
Caesar's uncle, Gaius Marius, died in 86 BC and the family obtained a lot of money as an inheritance, but the following year Caesar's father died; the girl was only fifteen years old and she was also promised to a man she didn't love, so she decided to deny both him and Cossutia and thanks to the large sums of money she found a way to have a marriage with another girl: Cornelia . The act of this woman scandalized the conservatives but they could do little against a very old, respected and now also rich family. Caesar, at that time, was eighteen and Cornelia was five years younger. Their relationship was much more romantic than sexual and this for two reasons: Caesar married Cornelia to live with her; Caesar herself didn't like to have carnal relations with younger people, also in this case going against some of the Roman customs.
However, there was no lack of attempts by the aristocracy to defame the girl and make her look like a pervert in the eyes of the public.
82 BC
Lucius Cornelius Sulla, returning from his battle against Mithridates VI, returned to Italy, and, after defeating the popular followers of the late Gaius Marius, proclaimed himself perpetual dictator and undertook to eliminate his political opponents with the excuse of wanting to restore the Republic; but everyone knew that in reality this was not the case.
Caesar didn't support the Sulla dictatorship, she considered it dangerous for the Roman people and for this reason, together with Cornelia, she gave asylum to those political personalities who were persecuted by the dictator. Such an affront was not accepted by Sulla, so Caesar was captured and led to the tyrant in chains.
The man, now elderly, was enjoying wine in a golden cup, he was seated on his throne and was protected by ten guards and his lieutenant Pompey; Caesar entered, pushed to the foot of the throne by two legionaries. Sulla, seeing that girl, was shocked and asked:
"Who is this woman? I asked Gaius Julius Caesar, not his sister, you idiots."
"I'm Gaius Julius Caesar," said the girl, standing up.
"Don't fool me, woman. You can't be-"
"She is." Pompey confirmed and added, with a wave of his hand to the girl: "She is Gaius Julius Caesar, daughter of Aurelia Cotta and Gaius Julius Caesar the Elder, as well as granddaughter of Gaius Marius.
"Seriously?! A woman? Was it a woman who protested against me? A simple woman with old hair? Rome is really hitting rock bottom if women are allowed to express political views. What can she know, then?"
"Actually I know that she manages the family business, I know that she has managed to pay off the debts that her father had. Apparently she has also made a name for herself among some Roman intellectuals" explained Pompey.
"A woman with a man's name who does men's things ... and so you're the one who is married to another woman, a relative of mine, as if that weren't enough," Sulla commented with a disgusted expression.
"There was a round of money to allow such a wedding, of course, but they turned a blind eye also because of the legends that are told about her-"
Sulla raised his hand to interrupt Pompey, turned to Caesar, put down the golden cup and sat comfortably on the throne then, with a mocking smile, asked:
"What legends are told about you, Woman with a Man's Name?"
"I belong to the gens Julia, my family boasts of having Romulus himself, Aeneas and also the goddess Venus as ancestors and it is said of me that I am destined to-"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah ... whatever ... yes, I understand, you're someone who believes that you're destined for great things, for great successes in life. Who has deluded you into believing these nonsense is a fool. You're not destined for anything, to maximum you could offer yourself to some legionnaire and make him amused a little, but using that mouth to oppose my choices is stuff that does not suit you. Am I right, Pompey?"
Pompey was visually embarrassed by Sulla's arrogant attitude and preferred to avoid being involved, but the latter had no intention of quitting and, turning to Caesar, said:
"I have the duty to restore order to this now decadent city and it's also my duty to kill degenerates and traitors, however it's not said that you have to die today, on the contrary, I want to be lenient with you ... I want to grant you life in exchange of two things: you will have to divorce Cornelia and you will have to put yourself at my service. If you refuse I will have to kill you. What do you tell me, Woman with the Man's Name? "
Caesar raised that scarlet gaze and, with an entertained smile, replied:
"If I may speak ... this is how I see it, Sulla: the only way you can touch me is with the help of these men and this could be a problem for your 'manhood' because we both know that I would be capable of kill you if I was alone with you. You gave me a chance to surrender to you but don't think for a moment that I ask your mercy, no, I don't care about your pity, I'd rather die than be the bitch of a worm; I advise you to kill me, Sulla. You must kill me because if you keep me alive I swear to you, and look me in the eye when I tell you: I swear I will kill you with my own hands."
The way in which Caesar uttered those words, without mincing words and without shedding a drop of sweat, made Pompey widen his eyes, he would never have expected such courage from a prisoner, especially from a woman in front of a man of power like Sulla . The dictator, however, was not an easily impressionable type and said:
"You have courage but you're stupid. You find yourself in front of the most powerful man in Rome and yet you speak with insolence and for this reason, when you are dead, I will give your heart to my dogs. Kill her."
The guards drew their swords but Pompey intervened promptly:
"Wait, Sulla! Maybe you're exaggerating."
Sulla turned, confused, to Pompey.
"Why? You heard her, didn't you? She wants to kill me and so she has to die, it's simple."
"But maybe you are overestimating her, she after all is just a woman and she can't do you any harm, right? Exile her, take away all her property and throw her out of Rome, she won't be able to do anything."
"Well… maybe you're right. After all, we're talking about someone who will never do anything in life. Okay, throw this arrogant into the first merchant ship and make sure she never comes back."
Thus Caesar had to leave Italy and also her wife to save her life. The girl lost all her wealth but kept in contact with Pompey, who, through his messengers, sent her to the praetor Marcus Minucius Termus, in Asia. Termus, a friend of Pompey, accepted at his request to give Caesar the position of legatus, despite being a woman, but he gave her jobs of secondary importance, just to keep her busy. The girl began to make friends little by little with various legionaries and she took part in the siege of Mytilene in 81 BC. During the battle, Caesar showed great courage, faced the enemies without ever losing her calm and concentration and even saved a Roman citizen who was in danger and therefore, at the end of the battle, she received the civic crown, also known as the oak crown , and this, according to Sulla's reforms, would have allowed Caesar to enter the Senate; the girl, however, refused to return to Rome and start a political career, even if this would have guaranteed her to face Sulla.
The reasons behind this choice were very simple: she knew that returning to Rome would mean dying at the hands of Sulla, with her or without the civic crown, she would be killed. She didn't want to risk.
Thus, Caesar carried out tasks in the small kingdom called Bithynia in the service of King Nicomedes IV Philopator.
"I have the duty to restore order to this now decadent city and it's also my duty to kill degenerates and traitors, however it's not said that you have to die today, on the contrary, I want to be lenient with you ... I want to grant you life in exchange of two things: you will have to divorce Cornelia and you will have to put yourself at my service. If you refuse I will have to kill you. What do you tell me, Woman with the Man's Name? "
Caesar raised that scarlet gaze and, with an entertained smile, replied:
"If I may speak ... this is how I see it, Sulla: the only way you can touch me is with the help of these men and this could be a problem for your 'manhood' because we both know that I would be capable of kill you if I was alone with you. You gave me a chance to surrender to you but don't think for a moment that I ask your mercy, no, I don't care about your pity, I'd rather die than be the bitch of a worm; I advise you to kill me, Sulla. You must kill me because if you keep me alive I swear to you, and look me in the eye when I tell you: I swear I will kill you with my own hands."
The way in which Caesar uttered those words, without mincing words and without shedding a drop of sweat, made Pompey widen his eyes, he would never have expected such courage from a prisoner, especially from a woman in front of a man of power like Sulla . The dictator, however, was not an easily impressionable type and said:
"You have courage but you're stupid. You find yourself in front of the most powerful man in Rome and yet you speak with insolence and for this reason, when you are dead, I will give your heart to my dogs. Kill her."
The guards drew their swords but Pompey intervened promptly:
"Wait, Sulla! Maybe you're exaggerating."
Sulla turned, confused, to Pompey.
"Why? You heard her, didn't you? She wants to kill me and so she has to die, it's simple."
"But maybe you are overestimating her, she after all is just a woman and she can't do you any harm, right? Exile her, take away all her property and throw her out of Rome, she won't be able to do anything."
"Well… maybe you're right. After all, we're talking about someone who will never do anything in life. Okay, throw this arrogant into the first merchant ship and make sure she never comes back."
Thus Caesar had to leave Italy and also her wife to save her life. The girl lost all her wealth but kept in contact with Pompey, who, through his messengers, sent her to the praetor Marcus Minucius Termus, in Asia. Termus, a friend of Pompey, accepted at his request to give Caesar the position of legatus, despite being a woman, but he gave her jobs of secondary importance, just to keep her busy. The girl began to make friends little by little with various legionaries and she took part in the siege of Mytilene in 81 BC. During the battle, Caesar showed great courage, faced the enemies without ever losing her calm and concentration and even saved a Roman citizen who was in danger and therefore, at the end of the battle, she received the civic crown, also known as the oak crown , and this, according to Sulla's reforms, would have allowed Caesar to enter the Senate; the girl, however, refused to return to Rome and start a political career, even if this would have guaranteed her to face Sulla.
The reasons behind this choice were very simple: she knew that returning to Rome would mean dying at the hands of Sulla, with her or without the civic crown, she would be killed. She didn't want to risk.
Thus, Caesar carried out tasks in the small kingdom called Bithynia in the service of King Nicomedes IV Philopator.
80 BC
Nicomedes IV Philopator was king of Bithynia, an ally of Rome, and he was the same who granted the ships to the Romans to carry out the siege of Mytilene, the ships were granted, however, too easily and everyone knew that at that time the ambassador in the court of Bithynia was Caesar. It was no mystery that there had been more than just political affairs between the two.
The dawn lights illuminated the immense terrace of the building, high stone columns and green curtains were heated by the summer sun of Asia; Caesar had made herself comfortable to observe the rising sun; Nicomedes was behind her, he was just waking up and when she noticed she said:
"Forgive me, I didn't want to disturb you."
"It's okay, I'd have woken up anyway," he said, yawning.
"I fell in love with this place, King Nicomedes. It's magical."
"Why are you so formal, Caesar? You've been living here for almost a year now, you've also adapted to this lifestyle. You can call me Nicomedes." He hugged her and kissed her cheek.
"I do it because technically now I have to go back to my role as ambassador," she said with a provocative smile.
"Roles, eh? I would like you to stop thinking about your role and just think about having fun, political life is boring ... this is much better, don't you think too?"
"Yes, I agree. Sorry. You know, I would really like to live here with you."
"Yeah ... how long it can last ..."
Nicomedes was already dressing and Caesar was slightly stunned by those words. She turned to the man and asked for clarification:
"What are you alluding to?"
"I… forgive me… maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. Sorry. Pretend I didn't say anything, Caesar."
"No, tell me. After all this time it seems to me the minimum to expect a little sincerity." Caesar was getting nervous.
"Okay, whatever you want ... yesterday a messenger arrived at court, I didn't tell you anything because I wanted to spend at least one last night with you. Your, um ... commander, Termus, will leave for Rome today and leave you free to take care of some political matters here in Asia ... "
"Good! Yes? So we can be together and-"
"I don't have that much time, Caesar. I'm sick, the Gods won't protect me from death for long and I don't want you to see me die slowly, I want you to keep these moments with you."
"What? Sorry, maybe I misunderstood but ... are you driving me out of your building?"
"No, I would never do that ... but ... I love you so much that I need to spare you the sight of my death," he replied, wiping his tears.
"And where will I go? What will I do? I have nothing. I don't have a house, I don't have a life in Rome ... there is nothing left for me there ... I have lost everything."
"And the girl you loved?"
"Do you really think she's still there waiting for me? No. No, that's impossible. Surely she'll be married to some aristocrat. I can't go there and see the remains of my former life. It would be too painful. Too much for someone like me. Please. let me stay- "
"NO!" he cried in tears.
"Nicomedes ... please ..."
"No ... I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm doing it for you. Believe me, if I had more time I would keep you here with me, but I don't have time. I don't have enough time to enjoy your company. I can't. You have to go back to Rome. You must go home and fulfill your destiny. "
"I have no destiny. Look at me, Nicomedes, look at me! I have nothing! I am an ordinary person! No divinity has come to save me! No divinity has protected me! I have lost everything! EVERYTHING! There is no destiny for me, all I have is you. YOU!" Caesar was crying and clutching her chest with her hand.
"I will leave you part of my wealth, Caesar, use it to make a name for yourself in Rome, use it to fulfill your destiny. You don't believe it, but I do. I know that you are destined for something great. For this I will pray for you. and that's why I have to kick you out of my palace. "
"Nicomedes, please-"
He wiped her tears away and kissed her. Nicomedes murmured, placing his forehead on Caesar's:
"Goodbye My Love."
That same day Caesar for ever abandoned Bithynia and her beloved king.
The girl was ready to return to Rome but was called to Cilicia by Publius Servilius Vatia Isauricus who needed her to fight the pirates in the area. After a year in Cilicia, finally, Caesar returned to Rome in 78 BC, in that same year the dictator Sulla died.
Nicomedes IV Philopator was king of Bithynia, an ally of Rome, and he was the same who granted the ships to the Romans to carry out the siege of Mytilene, the ships were granted, however, too easily and everyone knew that at that time the ambassador in the court of Bithynia was Caesar. It was no mystery that there had been more than just political affairs between the two.
The dawn lights illuminated the immense terrace of the building, high stone columns and green curtains were heated by the summer sun of Asia; Caesar had made herself comfortable to observe the rising sun; Nicomedes was behind her, he was just waking up and when she noticed she said:
"Forgive me, I didn't want to disturb you."
"It's okay, I'd have woken up anyway," he said, yawning.
"I fell in love with this place, King Nicomedes. It's magical."
"Why are you so formal, Caesar? You've been living here for almost a year now, you've also adapted to this lifestyle. You can call me Nicomedes." He hugged her and kissed her cheek.
"I do it because technically now I have to go back to my role as ambassador," she said with a provocative smile.
"Roles, eh? I would like you to stop thinking about your role and just think about having fun, political life is boring ... this is much better, don't you think too?"
"Yes, I agree. Sorry. You know, I would really like to live here with you."
"Yeah ... how long it can last ..."
Nicomedes was already dressing and Caesar was slightly stunned by those words. She turned to the man and asked for clarification:
"What are you alluding to?"
"I… forgive me… maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. Sorry. Pretend I didn't say anything, Caesar."
"No, tell me. After all this time it seems to me the minimum to expect a little sincerity." Caesar was getting nervous.
"Okay, whatever you want ... yesterday a messenger arrived at court, I didn't tell you anything because I wanted to spend at least one last night with you. Your, um ... commander, Termus, will leave for Rome today and leave you free to take care of some political matters here in Asia ... "
"Good! Yes? So we can be together and-"
"I don't have that much time, Caesar. I'm sick, the Gods won't protect me from death for long and I don't want you to see me die slowly, I want you to keep these moments with you."
"What? Sorry, maybe I misunderstood but ... are you driving me out of your building?"
"No, I would never do that ... but ... I love you so much that I need to spare you the sight of my death," he replied, wiping his tears.
"And where will I go? What will I do? I have nothing. I don't have a house, I don't have a life in Rome ... there is nothing left for me there ... I have lost everything."
"And the girl you loved?"
"Do you really think she's still there waiting for me? No. No, that's impossible. Surely she'll be married to some aristocrat. I can't go there and see the remains of my former life. It would be too painful. Too much for someone like me. Please. let me stay- "
"NO!" he cried in tears.
"Nicomedes ... please ..."
"No ... I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm doing it for you. Believe me, if I had more time I would keep you here with me, but I don't have time. I don't have enough time to enjoy your company. I can't. You have to go back to Rome. You must go home and fulfill your destiny. "
"I have no destiny. Look at me, Nicomedes, look at me! I have nothing! I am an ordinary person! No divinity has come to save me! No divinity has protected me! I have lost everything! EVERYTHING! There is no destiny for me, all I have is you. YOU!" Caesar was crying and clutching her chest with her hand.
"I will leave you part of my wealth, Caesar, use it to make a name for yourself in Rome, use it to fulfill your destiny. You don't believe it, but I do. I know that you are destined for something great. For this I will pray for you. and that's why I have to kick you out of my palace. "
"Nicomedes, please-"
He wiped her tears away and kissed her. Nicomedes murmured, placing his forehead on Caesar's:
"Goodbye My Love."
That same day Caesar for ever abandoned Bithynia and her beloved king.
The girl was ready to return to Rome but was called to Cilicia by Publius Servilius Vatia Isauricus who needed her to fight the pirates in the area. After a year in Cilicia, finally, Caesar returned to Rome in 78 BC, in that same year the dictator Sulla died.
