A dull drum in the ear is the only melody in that bloody silence.
My robe is stained red and my hands are shaking a little. That tingling runs down the arms, goes up the back and hits the face. The adrenaline rush that used to move my body is now just a cold shiver that shakes my bones and my thoughts.
My shoulders are heavy, I move them along with my neck but I can't heal those cramps.
Maybe the sword weighs too much?
I drop the bloody blade. As soon as the metal hits the stone, the music of steel awakens my thoughts. I feel like I've just opened my eyes.
I look down.
On the bed there are two motionless, pale bodies, one on top of the other. A woman and a man. Their blood has dyed the white sheets and it does not stop flowing.
On a nearby table there is still the cup with the good wine that my stepfather liked so much. I need to get away from those two naked bodies and so I indulge myself in the red drink and sit on the chair.
The sweet wine caresses my palate and illuminates the memory of the days in Phocis. The beautiful parties organized by King Strophios, my uncle, the man who welcomed me when my father was murdered. I will never see the beautiful women of Phocis again and I will never again be able to taste the good wine born from those carefree parties.
I leave the cup on the wood and, looking at the man's body, I murmur:
"It was you. It was your fault. It was your fault, not mine." I leave the chair and talk to him as if he could hear me. "You killed my father, you destroyed my family and squandered our wealth just to know the joys of power. You were the architect of your own defeat, Aegisthus. The very moment you killed Agamemnon, the true king of Mycenae, the Gods have sanctioned your miserable fate. The Oracle of Delphi revealed to me the sacred mission that had been entrusted to me by Apollo ever since my sister had hidden me in Phocis. If I hadn't killed you, I would've become a wanderer."
I see a gold bowl with fresh grapes inside. I take some and sit back in the chair.
"I don't hate you... I actually don't know what to feel when I look at that ugly face of yours. One part of me doesn't tolerate your memory, but the other is grateful to you because if it hadn't been for you I would never have been able to meet Pylades. What is this feeling? How would you define it?"
He doesn't answer me.
Obviously he doesn't answer me, how could he? Yet, for some strange reason, it bothers me. I can't explain why but I feel a strong irritation inside of me.
Instinctively I take a grape and throw it at the head of that corpse.
"I'm talking to you."
I do it again.
"Do you hear me, usurper of thrones?"
I throw him yet another grape and this time I center his mouth, which was open.
"Nice shot..." I comment with a smile.
I leave the chair.
I approach those two bodies. My gaze falls on the naked woman. I brush her brown hair to reveal a dull face.
Something hits me in the heart. I don't know what it is, but it's not sadness... but it looks like it. This bitterness for a woman without identity is meaningless. I've never known this woman, I've never tasted her love. Why do I seem to feel bad?
I sit on the bed and rest her head on my legs to get a good look at her face. She doesn't tell me anything.
I'm bothered by that misshapen sadness. Part of me just wants to leave, leave the palace, and never return to this room again.
But yet...
Yet there is that irrational voice. There is that whisper that tells me to stay and throw out feelings that are foreign to me.
I take a long breath to calm down.
I don't know what to say. As soon as I open my mouth, I say the first thing that comes to mind:
"Hello, Mom."
The woman I hold in my arms is Clytemnestra, my mother. She is Agamemnon's widow and murderer as well as Aegisthus' lover.
I have no memories of her.
I know she gave me life just to take it from me.
Everything else is dark.
I place my hand on her belly where I was cared for. I caress it and tell that woman:
"Children shouldn't kill mothers, just as mothers shouldn't kill their own children. In a family one should love and protect each other... this family is stained with blood and corrupted by sinful desire." I take a break to wipe away those few tears that wet my eyes. "I don't know your story, I just know that you betrayed my father to have a good time with a younger man without virtue. You abandoned me only because you gave in to passion. You dishonored my father, his castle and his family..."
I abandon the woman on those red-soaked sheets. I clean my clothes and pick up the sword.
I no longer want to be in the same room as those two miserable ones. My only wish is to leave and live my life.
"Children don't kill mothers... but for what concerns me, you were never my mother."
I head towards the exit with a triumphant air. I've done justice and am ready to go back to my friend who is waiting for me outside the building.
I stumble.
I fall at the foot of the door. If I hadn't been careful I would've wounded myself with my own sword. I get back on my feet and I'm on a rampage. I turn around and kick the obstacle.
"Piece of shit!"
It's not an object.
"Ah!" I exclaim, backing away.
It's not an object.
"What the...? What...?"
She has the body of a five-year-old at the most. The slender figure is lying on a red spot. Her eyes are wet but empty, she seems to be staring at me.
Here it comes back. The adrenaline rush that I had lost, but this time it's accompanied by a lively fear that grabs my throat; my heart is pounding like a madman.
What have I done?
My blade had broken Aegisthus and Clytemnestra's night of passion, and had done justice.
But who is she? Why is her body at my feet?
I look around, desperately looking for an answer... and I find it. A wooden doll, squeezed between the girl's frail little hands.
It was the first thing I saw after doing justice.
A little girl named Helena, the daughter of my mother and Aegisthus. She had heard the noise and screams and had come to make sure her parents were okay.
I look at my sword and I remember perfectly the move I made to pierce her heart. I abandon the blade at my feet. I am shocked, I struggle to make even the simplest sound from my mouth; my muscles are paralyzed. Suddenly my shoulders are heavy again and I feel the need to sit down... and also to throw up.
As soon as I try to move I hear a whisper. A female voice says my name.
"Who is it?" I ask worried.
I grab my sword again and am ready to fight.
No reply. I leave the room and don't see anyone. Pylades did a great job with the guards, it is impossible for anyone to have noticed my presence... but I prefer not to try my luck indefinitely. I'm leaving.
As soon as I leave the bedroom I hear that female voice again. This time it's a louder murmur. It appears to be behind me.
"Is there anyone?" I ask, turning around.
I hold my sword firmly, the blade is still stained with blood and I feel ready to fight.
There is nobody.
I'm probably imagining everything. I can't let my fantasy paralyze me, I have to leave the castle before they realize the king's death. I already know the escape plan and go down the stairs quickly, ready to hug my dear friend again.
As soon as my foot leaves the last step, I feel my hand tremble. I stop. I look at the hand. It trembles abnormally.
"What the hell...?"
It's not the hand.
I drop the sword and realize that it is moving, as if it were a fish out of the water. The steel vibrates and the blood on it begins to burn.
I don't know how to explain such a phenomenon, but I'm not going to stand there like a statue. I am immediately looking for a way out.
Suddenly I hear an inhuman scream. From the blood on the blade emerge three female figures without eyes or noses; they are women made of blood who begin to circle around me and continue to scream, like crazy.
"Enough! Enough!" I exclaim putting my hands in my ears. "Go away! Enough!"
The creatures do not listen to me and continue to emit those terrifying noises that paralyze my body. Every bone of my flesh cools, every fiber of my muscles vibrates, my body is crossed by intense cramps. The blood in my veins seems to want to come out and presses into my arms and legs. The suffering is unbearable.
I tear off my clothes and scream:
"Kill me! Kill me!"
The three creatures then pierce my chest with savage violence. They tear my chest apart and make me suffer indescribable pains. I can see them... I can feel them... they are entering my body... they are invading every fiber of my being.
"No...! No!" I exclaim in a panic.
But I can't stop it.
It is too late now.
When the pain leaves my body, their screams pervade my head. A constant cry, like the bark of a hungry beast, torments my mind. I cannot accept such suffering. I would rather have died... and it's not too late.
I grab the sword and try to pierce my heart, but something prevents me. A kind of shield, invisible to me, stops the blade before it can reach the flesh.
"No..."
I abandon myself to the floor. I scream in despair... I ask forgiveness for the sin committed, but no one hears me, no one absolves me. The cries in my head go on, they continue incessantly and I, in pain, I wonder how long I will have to suffer this unjust punishment.
My robe is stained red and my hands are shaking a little. That tingling runs down the arms, goes up the back and hits the face. The adrenaline rush that used to move my body is now just a cold shiver that shakes my bones and my thoughts.
My shoulders are heavy, I move them along with my neck but I can't heal those cramps.
Maybe the sword weighs too much?
I drop the bloody blade. As soon as the metal hits the stone, the music of steel awakens my thoughts. I feel like I've just opened my eyes.
I look down.
On the bed there are two motionless, pale bodies, one on top of the other. A woman and a man. Their blood has dyed the white sheets and it does not stop flowing.
On a nearby table there is still the cup with the good wine that my stepfather liked so much. I need to get away from those two naked bodies and so I indulge myself in the red drink and sit on the chair.
The sweet wine caresses my palate and illuminates the memory of the days in Phocis. The beautiful parties organized by King Strophios, my uncle, the man who welcomed me when my father was murdered. I will never see the beautiful women of Phocis again and I will never again be able to taste the good wine born from those carefree parties.
I leave the cup on the wood and, looking at the man's body, I murmur:
"It was you. It was your fault. It was your fault, not mine." I leave the chair and talk to him as if he could hear me. "You killed my father, you destroyed my family and squandered our wealth just to know the joys of power. You were the architect of your own defeat, Aegisthus. The very moment you killed Agamemnon, the true king of Mycenae, the Gods have sanctioned your miserable fate. The Oracle of Delphi revealed to me the sacred mission that had been entrusted to me by Apollo ever since my sister had hidden me in Phocis. If I hadn't killed you, I would've become a wanderer."
I see a gold bowl with fresh grapes inside. I take some and sit back in the chair.
"I don't hate you... I actually don't know what to feel when I look at that ugly face of yours. One part of me doesn't tolerate your memory, but the other is grateful to you because if it hadn't been for you I would never have been able to meet Pylades. What is this feeling? How would you define it?"
He doesn't answer me.
Obviously he doesn't answer me, how could he? Yet, for some strange reason, it bothers me. I can't explain why but I feel a strong irritation inside of me.
Instinctively I take a grape and throw it at the head of that corpse.
"I'm talking to you."
I do it again.
"Do you hear me, usurper of thrones?"
I throw him yet another grape and this time I center his mouth, which was open.
"Nice shot..." I comment with a smile.
I leave the chair.
I approach those two bodies. My gaze falls on the naked woman. I brush her brown hair to reveal a dull face.
Something hits me in the heart. I don't know what it is, but it's not sadness... but it looks like it. This bitterness for a woman without identity is meaningless. I've never known this woman, I've never tasted her love. Why do I seem to feel bad?
I sit on the bed and rest her head on my legs to get a good look at her face. She doesn't tell me anything.
I'm bothered by that misshapen sadness. Part of me just wants to leave, leave the palace, and never return to this room again.
But yet...
Yet there is that irrational voice. There is that whisper that tells me to stay and throw out feelings that are foreign to me.
I take a long breath to calm down.
I don't know what to say. As soon as I open my mouth, I say the first thing that comes to mind:
"Hello, Mom."
The woman I hold in my arms is Clytemnestra, my mother. She is Agamemnon's widow and murderer as well as Aegisthus' lover.
I have no memories of her.
I know she gave me life just to take it from me.
Everything else is dark.
I place my hand on her belly where I was cared for. I caress it and tell that woman:
"Children shouldn't kill mothers, just as mothers shouldn't kill their own children. In a family one should love and protect each other... this family is stained with blood and corrupted by sinful desire." I take a break to wipe away those few tears that wet my eyes. "I don't know your story, I just know that you betrayed my father to have a good time with a younger man without virtue. You abandoned me only because you gave in to passion. You dishonored my father, his castle and his family..."
I abandon the woman on those red-soaked sheets. I clean my clothes and pick up the sword.
I no longer want to be in the same room as those two miserable ones. My only wish is to leave and live my life.
"Children don't kill mothers... but for what concerns me, you were never my mother."
I head towards the exit with a triumphant air. I've done justice and am ready to go back to my friend who is waiting for me outside the building.
I stumble.
I fall at the foot of the door. If I hadn't been careful I would've wounded myself with my own sword. I get back on my feet and I'm on a rampage. I turn around and kick the obstacle.
"Piece of shit!"
It's not an object.
"Ah!" I exclaim, backing away.
It's not an object.
"What the...? What...?"
She has the body of a five-year-old at the most. The slender figure is lying on a red spot. Her eyes are wet but empty, she seems to be staring at me.
Here it comes back. The adrenaline rush that I had lost, but this time it's accompanied by a lively fear that grabs my throat; my heart is pounding like a madman.
What have I done?
My blade had broken Aegisthus and Clytemnestra's night of passion, and had done justice.
But who is she? Why is her body at my feet?
I look around, desperately looking for an answer... and I find it. A wooden doll, squeezed between the girl's frail little hands.
It was the first thing I saw after doing justice.
A little girl named Helena, the daughter of my mother and Aegisthus. She had heard the noise and screams and had come to make sure her parents were okay.
I look at my sword and I remember perfectly the move I made to pierce her heart. I abandon the blade at my feet. I am shocked, I struggle to make even the simplest sound from my mouth; my muscles are paralyzed. Suddenly my shoulders are heavy again and I feel the need to sit down... and also to throw up.
As soon as I try to move I hear a whisper. A female voice says my name.
"Who is it?" I ask worried.
I grab my sword again and am ready to fight.
No reply. I leave the room and don't see anyone. Pylades did a great job with the guards, it is impossible for anyone to have noticed my presence... but I prefer not to try my luck indefinitely. I'm leaving.
As soon as I leave the bedroom I hear that female voice again. This time it's a louder murmur. It appears to be behind me.
"Is there anyone?" I ask, turning around.
I hold my sword firmly, the blade is still stained with blood and I feel ready to fight.
There is nobody.
I'm probably imagining everything. I can't let my fantasy paralyze me, I have to leave the castle before they realize the king's death. I already know the escape plan and go down the stairs quickly, ready to hug my dear friend again.
As soon as my foot leaves the last step, I feel my hand tremble. I stop. I look at the hand. It trembles abnormally.
"What the hell...?"
It's not the hand.
I drop the sword and realize that it is moving, as if it were a fish out of the water. The steel vibrates and the blood on it begins to burn.
I don't know how to explain such a phenomenon, but I'm not going to stand there like a statue. I am immediately looking for a way out.
Suddenly I hear an inhuman scream. From the blood on the blade emerge three female figures without eyes or noses; they are women made of blood who begin to circle around me and continue to scream, like crazy.
"Enough! Enough!" I exclaim putting my hands in my ears. "Go away! Enough!"
The creatures do not listen to me and continue to emit those terrifying noises that paralyze my body. Every bone of my flesh cools, every fiber of my muscles vibrates, my body is crossed by intense cramps. The blood in my veins seems to want to come out and presses into my arms and legs. The suffering is unbearable.
I tear off my clothes and scream:
"Kill me! Kill me!"
The three creatures then pierce my chest with savage violence. They tear my chest apart and make me suffer indescribable pains. I can see them... I can feel them... they are entering my body... they are invading every fiber of my being.
"No...! No!" I exclaim in a panic.
But I can't stop it.
It is too late now.
When the pain leaves my body, their screams pervade my head. A constant cry, like the bark of a hungry beast, torments my mind. I cannot accept such suffering. I would rather have died... and it's not too late.
I grab the sword and try to pierce my heart, but something prevents me. A kind of shield, invisible to me, stops the blade before it can reach the flesh.
"No..."
I abandon myself to the floor. I scream in despair... I ask forgiveness for the sin committed, but no one hears me, no one absolves me. The cries in my head go on, they continue incessantly and I, in pain, I wonder how long I will have to suffer this unjust punishment.
...
...
"Your time has come to an end, Orestes," says that gigantic demonic creature.
After a long time, finally, I'm free and it's almost ironic that it was all because of my enemy. That wolf-like demon will kill me... I know. I am not strong enough to be able to fight such an enemy. I'm just a man with nothing special, while my opponent is an ancient demon with extraordinary powers.
But yet...
Yet there is that irrational voice that orders me to give my best. I have to survive to be able to enjoy this freedom that I've earned. I want to go back to living as before, I want to ask the Holy Grail to give me back that happiness... that lightheartedness I had when I was with my best friend in my uncle's castle. I want to go back. I want to refuse to kill my mother and that false king. I want a miracle that makes my life possible.
"I will not stop fighting, demon! I'll earn my wish, whatever it takes!"
I am ready to fight, but the Erinyes are not my allies... they are parasites. Their only purpose is to make me suffer for the crime I committed. They won't help me fight, I know... I can almost read their thoughts and conclude that they will try to get back into me.
No.
I can't accept it. I don't want to hear those screams inside me.
"What is happening, Orestes? Have you already lost your will?"
Specter noticed my hesitation too easily, but I'm not surprised.
"I'm not going to back down, demon. Go ahead and make your move."
"Haha! You know perfectly well that you will not be able to survive my attack!"
I know.
Even the Erinyes know this.
They are pointing at me. They want to get back inside me.
I'm aware of the fact that only with them can I win this war... but at the same time I don't want to suffer as before. I'm tired of the voices, I'm tired of the screams... of the guilt. If I have to fight, I will do it as myself... if I have to win, I will win as myself.
I am me.
I no longer want to be 'us'.
"Your time has come to an end, Orestes," says that gigantic demonic creature.
After a long time, finally, I'm free and it's almost ironic that it was all because of my enemy. That wolf-like demon will kill me... I know. I am not strong enough to be able to fight such an enemy. I'm just a man with nothing special, while my opponent is an ancient demon with extraordinary powers.
But yet...
Yet there is that irrational voice that orders me to give my best. I have to survive to be able to enjoy this freedom that I've earned. I want to go back to living as before, I want to ask the Holy Grail to give me back that happiness... that lightheartedness I had when I was with my best friend in my uncle's castle. I want to go back. I want to refuse to kill my mother and that false king. I want a miracle that makes my life possible.
"I will not stop fighting, demon! I'll earn my wish, whatever it takes!"
I am ready to fight, but the Erinyes are not my allies... they are parasites. Their only purpose is to make me suffer for the crime I committed. They won't help me fight, I know... I can almost read their thoughts and conclude that they will try to get back into me.
No.
I can't accept it. I don't want to hear those screams inside me.
"What is happening, Orestes? Have you already lost your will?"
Specter noticed my hesitation too easily, but I'm not surprised.
"I'm not going to back down, demon. Go ahead and make your move."
"Haha! You know perfectly well that you will not be able to survive my attack!"
I know.
Even the Erinyes know this.
They are pointing at me. They want to get back inside me.
I'm aware of the fact that only with them can I win this war... but at the same time I don't want to suffer as before. I'm tired of the voices, I'm tired of the screams... of the guilt. If I have to fight, I will do it as myself... if I have to win, I will win as myself.
I am me.
I no longer want to be 'us'.
I run forward. I leave the Erinyes behind. I hear my Master screaming, shocked:
"What are you doing, Orestes?! You can't face α Specter without your Noble Phantasm!"
"I can! I can and I will! Have faith in me, Master!"
But he doesn't believe me. Without hesitation he uses a Command Seal to paralyze me.
"I'm sorry, ω Assassin... that's right thing to do."
Valfredo's words are cynical. He cannot understand my suffering. But I'm not giving up. I try to get up with all my strength. I must be able to escape from the Erinyes. I must defeat my enemy alone.
"Orestes, stop this nonsense and fight properly!"
Valfredo is agitated. He doesn't want to die, I can see it in his eyes.
And who wants to die? But he agreed to summon me and take part in the Holy Grail War knowing what he was going to face.
"You have to accept it..." I tell him with tears in my eyes.
"What are you talking about—?"
"We must all accept the price of our choices."
I turn to the gigantic beast-looking demon and scream at it with all my energy:
"Kill me!"
The beast opens its jaws and vomits a blue flame. Its warmth invades my body. That searing pain is the most beautiful thing I've ever felt.
I'm dying... free.
"What are you doing, Orestes?! You can't face α Specter without your Noble Phantasm!"
"I can! I can and I will! Have faith in me, Master!"
But he doesn't believe me. Without hesitation he uses a Command Seal to paralyze me.
"I'm sorry, ω Assassin... that's right thing to do."
Valfredo's words are cynical. He cannot understand my suffering. But I'm not giving up. I try to get up with all my strength. I must be able to escape from the Erinyes. I must defeat my enemy alone.
"Orestes, stop this nonsense and fight properly!"
Valfredo is agitated. He doesn't want to die, I can see it in his eyes.
And who wants to die? But he agreed to summon me and take part in the Holy Grail War knowing what he was going to face.
"You have to accept it..." I tell him with tears in my eyes.
"What are you talking about—?"
"We must all accept the price of our choices."
I turn to the gigantic beast-looking demon and scream at it with all my energy:
"Kill me!"
The beast opens its jaws and vomits a blue flame. Its warmth invades my body. That searing pain is the most beautiful thing I've ever felt.
I'm dying... free.
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| 'I, Orestes, Us' by BikoWolf |
Want to read the Adocentyn prequel? Then maybe you should click here to download the complete PDF and learn about Fate/Yggdrasil. 😛
